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Avengers

Unearthed: The Avengers #2

Welcome once again to Comics Breakdown! We’re continuing the Avengers love with #2, in which we learn that Stan Lee knows how to write dangerous situations but doesn’t know how to actually solve them.

Huh, apparently you have to be some multiple of 5 to get a rockin’ bod, who knew? Also, is it just me, or is there something weird about the torso of the guy on the left?

Note the Hulk’s three-toed feet. And I’ve noted this about Kirby’s work before, and it’s especially true here: his grasp of actual musculature may not be entirely spot-on, but he makes it look powerful regardless.

I’ll point this out again later in this issue, but how froggin’ fast do physical processes work in the Marvel Universe? Apparently you just need to put a pill IN your mouth for it to work. Never mind that pesky and painstaking digestion process.

Once again, Smilin’ Stan writes the sole female character the only way he knows: as a lovesick boy-chaser. He does it a LOT, and I’ll call it out EVERY TIME.

Mitch McConnell arrives on Earth.

CITATION NEEDED.

Shown here: the mangled arm of the last guy who tried to learn Jiu-Jitsu. Fact.

Pretty keen havin’ a guy explain to you how jumping works, huh?

This is just the beginning of Jack Kirby’s career-long fascination with insane technology. His stuff always looks amazing, whether or not it makes any kind of actual mechanical sense.

Will you? WILL YOU? The Green Goblin in whiteface here wants to know.

Think it’s bad when your PHONE runs out of charge?

Is… is the guy in the back… TOUCHING himself?

Thanks again, Stan Lee. Y’dingus.

If there’s ever been a signpost of a particular era and its proclivities, this is it.

This may be the only time we hear of Wasp’s ‘hypersensitivities’. Canon? You be the judge.

I’d say being a human that calls herself ‘the Wasp’ actually INVITES attacks from real wasps, Jan.

I loved this kind of cut-away diagram stuff when I was younger. Okay, I still love it.

Something about the way Giant-Man is running just cracks me up.

If I ever saw a sea horse doing a trapeze act, I’d have to take out both my eyes with a tuning fork.

That hamster’s biting the unholy hell out of that hand.

1. Bad compositing job on that hand. 2. This is no pet monkey. It’s the Simian Voice of the American Airwaves, Capuchin Joe, broadcasting from the top of the Empire State! Myah, see? 23 skidoo, see?

Anyway. Back to the ‘vengers.

Okay, I’m pretty sure she doesn’t have super-strength, so taking the time to wield a gigantic pencil CAN’T be faster than just, y’know… TALKING. And the way the final ‘r’ trails off makes me think that she died shortly thereafter. So hey! Now they actually have SOMETHING to avenge!

GOT-DAMMIT, STAN LEE! KNOCK IT OFF WITH THE SEX-STARVED WASP DIALOGUE!

Preeeeety sure Kirby just made up this cool-looking set of tech, but MAN it looks cool, dunnit?

Remember how quickly Giant-Man and the Wasp metabolized those size-changing pills? Same thing goes for how quickly metal oxidizes, apparently.

Just like in issue #1, Stan Lee contrives an ending that depends on NOTHING he’s shown us before. Awesome, in a way.

Hulk, don’t go! It’s only issue TWO! Wait…

*reads the caption*

Oh, okay. Y’know I used to complain that superhero comics these days were just all about heroes fighting each other because the writers were bankrupt of compelling ideas. And now I know it’s just another staple of the medium that good ol’ Stan “The Man” helped invent. Great. Don’t I look stupid? Well, yes, but that’s got nothing to do with comics; it’s just my face.

How about we end on one more great ad?

… so he can kill them.

And that’s it for today’s Comics Breakdown! Please come back on Monday, when we’ll look at Avengers #3, ’cause you just can’t WAIT for what the Hulk’s gonna do! You’re junk-sick for COMICS!

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