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Fantastic Four

Unearthed: Fantastic Four #1 — PART TWO

Welcome to Part Two of our look at The Fantastic Four #1! In the last episode, the FF were hurtled through space in an experimental rocket, bombarded by cosmic rays, then crashed back to Earth, where they exhibited strange new powers. But what will they do with these weird abilities? Let’s find out, SHALL WE?

This has never sat well with me. Everyone else names themselves what they are or do. Reed clearly calls himself out loud what he already names himself in his head.

It’s been a while since we’ve had a good goatse joke, so here it is.

Ah, yes, let’s get back to the fact that Stan Lee knows nothing of science. “Radar machine”, Stan? Not a seismograph? Okay. I get it, you’re writing thirty-four comics each month, it’s fine.

Just a quick aside, here: I much prefer this outfit to what Ben eventually ends up in. ‘Cause those three-fingered white gloves are awesome. Also: where the hell did he find them?

We do Comics Breakdown because we’re petty, that much should already be clear to you, Dear Reader. And here’s our petty remark for these panels: are these disembodied eyes? Because if there are skulls attached, how are they all fitting so closely to each other?

Mankind has never produced a finer example of the expression of bewilderment.

So… Mister Fantastic has super-strength too? And being dunked in water is enough to put the kibosh on this monster?

A rare wordless panel. Eerie, isn’t it?

“I feel it too, Johnny! I’ve felt it since I first laid eyes on you! We were MEANT to be together!”

Also: Johnny can turn into flame. Flames shed light. Why is this a problem?

I can’t tell whether this panel was meant to be played for laughs or not, ’cause Reed with the fabric over his eyes complaining that he can’t see is pretty damn funny.

Yeah, okay, wondrous, etc., but you guys are UNDERGROUND. Where’s the light coming from?

Meanwhile, I just want to say that that’s a cool monster behind Sue there. Kirby. You have to love him.

“Yeah, and if only YOU could see that Reed’s got the hots for your brother!”

“… touché, Ben.”

Yeah? You sensed the blow coming that you screamed at him to try? That IS amazing. Also, ‘first fatal mistake’? Surely you get just ONE fatal mistake? Because that’s the one that kills you? No? Just me? Okay.

Forever, yup.

You’re right. Never again.

Oh, totally. Forever. Yeah.

Well, sure, Sue. We’ll never see the Mole Man again. He’s gone forever, like you guys keep saying. Too bad. He could’ve been an iconic FF villain. Oh well.

And that’s Fantastic Four #1! What a heady ride, eh? Kind of makes you wonder what’s gonna happen next, dunnit? Well fortunately for you, True Believer, we’ll get a look at FF #2 on Wednesday! MICROSOFT EXCEL SIOR!

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