Unearthed: Justice League of America #2

Looking at the first issue, I pointed out that these early JLA stories are just nonsensical, in ways that defy standard comic book tropes. This issue is no different. Hooray!

This scene is directly out of the story, and when it arrives, you’ll wonder why they made it the cover.

But first… THE AD

Joe Weider CHALLENGES YOU not to make a joke about how he’s Weider than the average person. Oh crap, I just made it.

When really, Flash, you prefer to make magic the usual way… in your PANTS.

Also, I just think Diana’s face here is adorable.

There’s something quietly horrifying about the way this newly-conjured woman attaches herself to this dude.

Sorry… ‘telegraph’? In 1960? I’m afraid to look this up for fear that it might be true.

Nobody’s gonna mention the fact that they’re all thinking the same thought in unison? Okay.

All these amazing… magical treasures. Now they just have a goose, a horse with wings that don’t work, fairy gold that holds little actual value thanks to the terrible Magic-Land exchange rate, and a pretty sword that’s probably too awkwardly heavy to hang properly.


Sorry… is… there a reason we’re cramming all these guys into this panel?

The furk is ‘brain talking’? Snapper Carr is the Scrappy-Doo of the JLA.

I — how does a person who draws fantastical things for a living screw up a manticore like this?

I love that fire is J’onn’s one weakness. Turns out I, too, am weak against fire. And so are you. And so is just about EVERYTHING, J’ONN.

So… a guy with super-strength, flight, mental powers, invisibility, and the ability to shapeshift… and we’ve paid the price of a comic book to see him not use any of his powers. DC Comics, y’all.

Diana’s exclaiming over the very posh way this giant has grabbed her.

He can run at super-speed, but his reflexes are even slower than a normal human.

There’s my next band name.

I can’t tell if this scene is adorable or… I can’t tell.

I think what’s bothering me the most about these early JLA adventures is that most of the time, these superheroes seem to employ abilities that don’t belong to them. I really don’t think Diana can vibrate her feet at super-speed. It’s almost like someone wrote the script without naming characters and the artist just plugged in whoever he felt like drawing that day.

It really was a different time.

Chunktastic! This is Adam Driver in The Last Jedi thick.

Bruce Wayne IS Ash in… Evil Dead 3: Tree’s Company


This is the magic spell equivalent of “Well I’m Merlin the Wizard and I’m here to say/I like doing magic in a magical way!”

Well you’ve gone and answered your own question, haven’t you?

8 time-displaced stout yeomen

12 detached sidecars

4 baboon generals

7 melted pieces of green plastic

12! 12 wonderful soldiers! AA-AA-AAAAH!

1 conscientious objector

4 Ethel Merman impersonators


And that’s it for today’s Comics Breakdown! Remember: we’re putting up content every weekday! Join us tomorrow for Justice League of America #3! Until then, sleep the sleep of the cyclopean horrors that haunt my dreams!