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Batman

Unearthed: Batman Spring Issue, Part 1

This isn’t the first issue of Batman; maybe we’ll get to that another time. But this IS the Batman Spring Issue, which is… just as good?

Weirdly, what stands out the most to me in this cover is the pulp-style graphic elements, like the sans serif typography and the two-color background. Very of-the-time, innit?

But before we get into it… oh boy! It’s an AD! Like we used to do!

The above image and the following several pictures are from the same ad. Just what exactly is this ad selling? See if you can figure it out!

Mm-hmm, okay, a threat right off the bat, I’m with you…

What do sports equipment and the ability to fly one’s own plane have to do with each other?

Also, becoming an ace magician! Is it just me, or is that rabbit smiling?

And an amazing bike! WHAT PRODUCT ARE THEY SELLING?

Anyway, Batman’s parents shot in an alleyway, yadda yadda yadda. Sorry, too soon?

ALL criminals. Not just the one who killed his folks. So sad how one bad apple can spoil it for everyone.

Is he smoking? Bruce! You’re an athlete at the height of your powers! Smoking, really? There are KIDS reading you!

“That’s it! I shall become… an exterminator! Or a glazier. Which is scarier? My parents could have told me *sob*”

Look, a huge number of artists have depicted the Joker over the years, but this is by far the scariest drawing of him I’ve ever seen.

“The Joker has spoken! And now, The Andrews Sisters!”

Somehow, the semi-realistic nature of Bob Kane’s artwork makes this expression twice as creepy.

What the hell does this dude’s SKULL look like?

So as you can see, the Batman wasn’t always a grim specter of justice. He’d make quips while taking out bad guys, but when they didn’t laugh, it hurt him. Deeply. Eventually he just got more and more serious and laconic and turned into the unsmiling golem we all know and… love?

Also! He wasn’t always the world’s greatest martial artist! Lookit the Joker taking him on here!

Jeez, he’s really… we may never see Batman again.

Cripes, it’s the TEETH. Is he part PIANO?

Bruce, you spent years perfecting your scientific and fighting skills. Couldn’t you have taken an improv class at least once?

The old black-and-white Superman tv show featured this kind of thing. Superman would stand there arms on hips while a criminal would empty their gun into him ineffectually. And then, when out of bullets…

… the scofflaw would throw his gun. At Superman, who shrugged off bullets. And the actor playing Superman would DUCK. Because hey, fake bullets, real gun prop. This is the same thing here.

I bet the rest of the article continues ‘Stops at traffic light in accordance with law. Moves on once light turns green. Presumably goes home.’

Join us again on Wednesday as we Unearth more of this Spring issue!

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