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Batman

Unearthed: Batman Spring Issue Part 2

Wh-what are you saying? ONE episode of Batman wasn’t ENOUGH? You… you people, I — I just don’t know what to DO with you! *sobs*

If this had been a tighter shot, mostly Batman and the giant filling the frame, it wouldn’t be as effective. Somehow, having the camera backed off a bit to include more of the environment makes the monster that much more PRESENT and threatening.

Dear readers younger than, oh, let’s say… 30 years old, once upon a time there were publications called “newspapers” that young kids would hawk on the street to passersby. When they did, sometimes they’d call out “EXTRA EXTRA!” and read off the headline to entice people to buy the issue at hand.

Somehow, this turned into “WUXTRY”, and I’m too lazy to look up why.

“Very terrible”? What’re you, Trump?

Meanwhile, this is happening in the streets, and where’s Bruce?

Dude! You already KNEW it was Strange and you sat at home smoking! SMOKING! The paragon of fitness and you’re SMOKING. This is what you get when a child raises himself.

Look! More evidence of a poorly-raised child! “Th’” instead of “the”! What are we teaching the CHILDREN?

Sorry, Bob Kane, but this is the worst human head I’ve ever seen.

And then Batman killed them all. Cool! We’re done with this episode! See you on Friday for a new episode of Marvel Reto —

Oh, wait.

Anyone else having a Clarice Sterling moment here?

I don’t know that the Batplane has ever been rendered with this kind of bat face on it before, and honestly, if I saw this thing flying around, I’d hide under the bed and never come out.

So, check it out: Batman lassos the giant dude, and in his struggles, he strangles himself to death:

And THIS is Batman’s reaction. Kids raising themselves. Single parents, take heed: don’t let your kid grow up to be Batman.

You know how it’s funny when you see big movie stars in old films, before they got big? Look! It’s Wolverine!

Note: Bob Kane took credit for a ton of things around the creation of production of Batman that he shouldn’t have. Bill Finger played as much of a role, if not more. Learn your history, kids.

And that’s it for today’s Unearthed! Join us on Friday for the latest episode of Marvel Retold! It’s longer than usual!

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