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Batman

Unearthed: Batman Spring Issue Part 3

Good golly Miss Molly! It’s the final look at the revered Batman Spring Issue! Can you believe it? We’ve come so far, endured so much, and it all comes down to this. *sniffle* I-I’m sorry, I have something in my EYE

The trouble with Bob Kane’s work is that at times it seems fine, as in the above shot.

And then you get this. Aren’t these guys Dick Tracy villains? Outlet Nose and Joey Furrows?

“Get that kid!”

“You’ve got to get me first!”

“Well, yeah, that’s… that’s what we just said. Didn’t you — HURGH”

More Bob Kane art weirdness. Does Batman’s left pectoral muscle extend all the way into his left deltoid?

Okay, what? Batman’s saying crims use guns because they’re cowards? And then he uses this as a reason for kids to fight them? There’s a break in logic here somewhere… oh, and he’s also breaking the fourth wall, which I don’t believe he’s done before. So, so weird.

And then he utters this immortal line:

Who’s he saying it to? Take a gander, folks, it’s the first appearance of Catwoman!

But hey, Batman doesn’t seem to care. HMMMMM

Robin is suspicious. Has puberty kicked in for him at this stage? There’s really no way to be sure. But I will say that if he’s prepubescent, all this crime fighting is doubtless stunting his growth.

Hey, here’s a thing. This cop is killed by the Joker by means of a DART hidden in the phone’s earpiece, activated by the Joker on the other end shouting “JOKER”.

SURELY there are easier ways to kill someone, yeah? Did kids reading this think this was scary or cool? I’m no historian, but my instinct is: FUGYEAH.

Is the Joker just kind of trailing off here? Having a bit of a think about his lifestyle choices maybe? Pining for the fjords?

Without knowing it, Robin is mimicking the ‘leap of faith’ we’d see decades later in the Matrix. MAN, this kid is ON POINT.

Oo! Shades of Jamie Lannister!

Not true, Robin! You’ll very shortly catch your death! BAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Oh man *wiping tears away* it’s so good. THIS is why I have a website.

I wonder if this kind of quippery translated into kids doing it in real life. But, like, bullies on the playground. Which led to the victims being afraid of puns and wordplay the entire rest of their lives, becoming chartered accountants and living lives of quiet desperation.

DAMN YOU BATMAN

This ain’t a quip, Bruce. Not sure what you wanted to evoke with this one.

What? Not even a “Joker got the point” joke?

And hey, is it just me, or is it difficult to read the text in this issue?

Holy — CRIPES, Batman, that’s… that’s GRIM, even for YOU.

CLIFFHANGER… and the moment is broken a half-second later with this ridiculous “Robin’s Regulars” bit. IT’S ABOUT TIMING, YOU GUYS

But ONLY if you sing or play an instrument. If you just like to talk, you can SHOVE IT UP YA

Cut out and frame these grinning devils. DO IT OR THEY’LL HURT MY FAMILY

And that’s it for Batman and Robin… FOR NOW. Join us on Wednesday for a brand-new comic!

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