O my goodness. What on Earth will Clark DO? Fortunately, we’re in a unique position to answer that VERY question. ONWARD
You don’t normally think of him as using his powers to commit psychological warfare on crims, but here you go.
Wait, what? There are 67 PAGES in this thing, and Superman is only in the first 15? What the hell else is in here? Let’s take a look:
Here’s how old this comic is. “Chuck” was a weird enough nickname for “Charles” that it was called out specifically using quotation marks.
Look! Zatara the Magician, who DC Comics would later turn into the father of Zatanna! I’m sure sooner or later we’ll get to a comic with Zatanna in it, but for now all you need to know about this character is that he does his magic by saying sentences backwards. Witness:
So you can make a first-aid kit magically appear, but you can’t magically just make this dude healthy?
Man, this guy loves his quotation marks! This is basically what makes comic characters in the late thirties. Some kind of nickname followed by a surname.
See? Man, I could’ve raked in the dough back in The Day. I could make this stuff up in my sleep! “Sleepy” McDonough! “Peripatetic” Watanabe! “Surreptitious” Mbappé! Jeez, if only I’d been born earlier. But then, no Internet. HMM
Holy cats, I can’t… I can’t pick one to make fun of. Who in their right mind would design a page this way? Cripes, I need to lie down. See you all on Wednesday for the next Unearthed, which will once again feature a new comics series!