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Superman

Unearthed: Action Comics #1, Part 3

O my goodness. What on Earth will Clark DO? Fortunately, we’re in a unique position to answer that VERY question. ONWARD

O my goodness. What on Earth will Clark DO? Fortunately, we’re in a unique position to answer that VERY question. ONWARD

There’s something wrong with the idea of Superman trying to be stealthy while wearing that suit.

Wow, I’m glad this kind of thing doesn’t happen anymore.

I was gonna make a joke here, but holy hell, look at the SIZE of Superman’s NECK

As mentioned earlier in this series, Supes ain’t quite right. Check it out:

You don’t normally think of him as using his powers to commit psychological warfare on crims, but here you go.

Wait, what? There are 67 PAGES in this thing, and Superman is only in the first 15? What the hell else is in here? Let’s take a look:

Here’s how old this comic is. “Chuck” was a weird enough nickname for “Charles” that it was called out specifically using quotation marks.

It’s basically a cowboy story, but I was startled to see jiu-jitsu mentioned. In 1938!

Look! Zatara the Magician, who DC Comics would later turn into the father of Zatanna! I’m sure sooner or later we’ll get to a comic with Zatanna in it, but for now all you need to know about this character is that he does his magic by saying sentences backwards. Witness:

But sometimes magic just HAPPENS. Like so:

So you can make a first-aid kit magically appear, but you can’t magically just make this dude healthy?

That’s a bullet? Pretty sure it’s a banana. Who’s right? It’s me. I’m right.

I… think we’ll just skip this one.

It’s only a little bit racist!

Man, this guy loves his quotation marks! This is basically what makes comic characters in the late thirties. Some kind of nickname followed by a surname.

It’s not actually as racist as it sounds!

See? Man, I could’ve raked in the dough back in The Day. I could make this stuff up in my sleep! “Sleepy” McDonough! “Peripatetic” Watanabe! “Surreptitious” Mbappé! Jeez, if only I’d been born earlier. But then, no Internet. HMM

Gosh, this is nailbiting stuff.

And finally, let’s end with ads, like we used to in the old days.

Holy cats, I can’t… I can’t pick one to make fun of. Who in their right mind would design a page this way? Cripes, I need to lie down. See you all on Wednesday for the next Unearthed, which will once again feature a new comics series!

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