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Captain America

Unearthed: Captain America Comics #1, Part Two

Holy grotesquerie, Batman, the art in this comic does not at ALL resemble the incredible style of Jack Kirby as we know him. Enjoy!

This looks less like two friends sharing a knowing wink and more like grimaces of pain from having jink blown into eyes.

And there we go. Holy crap, LOOK at these dudes. I’m going to be generous and say that these characters are SUPPOSED to look deformed, but the rest of this issue will NOT back up that claim.

Listen: “It was a different time” serves to cover a great many looks back at history, but it’s really chilling to see “LYNCH HIM! LYNCH HIM!” in a COMIC BOOK like this.

What’s the point of egging him on like this, Cap? You want him to get overconfident and do stupid stuff to earn your respect?

Waitaminnit… is that why you called this mission “Operation Meatshield”?

Here’s another look at how Kirby’s storytelling has evolved: look how confusing this panel layout is. He had to draw arrows — and nearly-invisible ones at that — to tell the reader how to move their eyes. And this carries throughout this issue!

Okay, I know he’s ugly, Buck, but jeezly crow, kid, you’ve fought Nazis with guns! You gonna let a weird face skeeze you out like this? Y’BABY

YOU GET RIGHT BACK THERE THIS INSTANT YOUNG MAN

I can’t tell if Herr Rathcone here is stooping or if that’s his normal walk. Fortunately, it doesn’t matter! We’re done with him! On to the next thing!

Now that’s more like it! From the very first issue: the Red Skull!

As far as rallying cries go, “LOOK AT DEATH! LOOK AT DEATH!” would sound great on a football field.

Dude! What’re you DOING? Messing with Bucky’s mind like this is funny right up until the time he craves your approval so hard he leaps onto a runaway plane and gets blown up later. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.

“What? He can’t be! We thought he was just dressed like that ’cause Kids These Days!”

I love that these evil guys are hiding out, making their diabolical plans, but they’re still answering door knocks.

Wait, so… she pulls a gun on the Skull, then drops it in surprise, then menaces the Skull with her bare hands?

RUN, SKULL, RUN! SHE’S CLEARLY TO BE AVOIDED

Ah, the good ol’ Sleep Punch. My mom used to use that on me when I was a baby. Believe me: swollen jaws are a great way to promote self-soothing in infants.

Gosh, what a great plan. Convince your victims that you had a Death Gaze. WHY? What possible use is THAT, when you had been strangling them the entire time? They’re clearly not going to pass that on to anyone else after they’re DEAD. Why the pointless charade?

Captain America’s strong and fast, but it’s obvious his real weapon is mind games. But hey, let’s see what else is going on in the backup stories in this issue.

Mm-hmm, okay, checks out.

Yep, good, good, some 5th grade mastery of anatomy here, yup yup.

Seriously, I have to ask: at the time these comics came out, were people saying “Man! Look at these drawings, they’re so polished and lifelike!”?

“Yes, I am of the Nair Tribe. We camp in the Stinking Forest nestled in the cleft of the valley, between two… I don’t know how much more you want to know. It’s pretty nasty.”

And that’s Captain America Comics #! Join us on Friday for a brand-new Unearthed and a brand-spanking-new Marvel Retold!

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