The Hulk

Unearthed: The Incredible Hulk #1, Part One

Who knew that of all his incarnations, Mark Ruffalo would turn out to be the closest Bruce Banner we got?

This cover is making some unwarranted assumptions. How does IT know how I like my fantasy? Pfuh, well, I NEVER

Reward for the capture of this rare coin! IT’S KILLED AND IT’LL KILL AGAIN

Oh, right, the Hulk. Lookit ‘im! That’s Mark Ruffalo, right? And this has got to be the most mild-mannered Hulk we’ve ever seen. He looks dyspeptic. Maybe next time use a more fearsome shot, huh?

Blah blah blah, radiation’s SO DANGEROUS, ooh, look out. More than half the heroes in the Marvel Universe owe their powers to radiation, so kindly take it back a notch, Igor.

Also, Unearthed has seen a large number of Jack Kirby comics, and from a rendering standpoint, they all look quite different from each other. I’m going to assume this is Kirby inking himself, but you’d hardly know it’s him from this panel, yeah?

Oh, okay, THERE’S a Kirby face!

Way to step in and defend her, Bruce.

You’re saying you hired this aggro tool on purpose?

How is it that Bruce is the only guy on this military base who’s chasing this kid down?

“Also, I’ve never had a smoother shave!”

Really? Radiation can only get you when it’s got a straight line to you?

“It worked! We’ve proven that gamma radiation can extend the screaming time of an average human!”

“Yeah yeah Bruce, you’re dying… but this RADIO”

Cripes, Bruce, it’s just someone in high heels walking out in the corridor. MAN UP

That’s right, the Hulk’s first color was grey! And he’s… not THAT huge. Also, I’ve seen that surly look on my teen’s face when I ask him to take out the garbage.

Also, notice how articulate he is in this early issue.

Holy cats, look! It’s the ultra-rare sound effect-less action scene! Sshh! Don’t scare it!

“Got to… fight it! Must… warn… others!”

So begins the origin of the Hulk. But there’s more to come, so please join us on Friday for the — hold on, one last ad.

*reads first part, gets excited, rises from chair

*reads second part, sits back down*

You don’t see too many ads written in the Second Person. What is this, the world’s shortest Choose Your Own Adventure?