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Doom Patrol

Unearthed: Doom Patrol #121

We’ve seen their origin… now witness their DEMIIIIIIISSSSSSSSE

Oh no! Only WE can save the Doom Patrol? B-but why? HOW?

*sips juice*

OH NO

Yes, friends, it’s true. Due to waning popularity (meaning sales, of course) DC had made its decision to cancel the series. Here we see artist Bruno Premiani and Editor Murray Boltinoff telling us that it’s both our fault and that we can save it. Somehow.

Also, how BIG is Bruno’s panel there?

The DP have had some weird adventures, but here, as the members address the artist directly…

… and the Editor hints at a possible future for the series, we’re left not knowing what to think. Especially when the Chief gives us this saucy wink. Oh, Chief! Haha, why, I BLUSH

Here we have Madame Rouge, a stretchy lady who I can’t help but love because of her delightful expression and fashionable elbow gloves.

And here’s the Brain and Monsieur Mallah (you figure out which is which). If you’re feeling like you should know more about these characters, I recommend seeking out your local library! Are there still libraries?

HOW AWESOME IS THIS PANEL

Because we know a cushion will definitely protect us from an explosion?

Well there you go.

I guess I should mention something about the plot here. Wait, hold on… here, this next panel explains it all:

Essentially, Rouge is an ex who hates Caulder and for some reason only NOW is using explosives and guns to do the job properly.

DUDE THE CHIEF IS LOSING IT

“Baby”? “Sweetie?” “Girlie”? The hell happened between the first issue and this final one?

Seriously, Niles is getting more incoherent with each panel.

Niles! That’s not how improv works! It’s YES, AND.

NILES WHAT DID I JUST SAY

GOT-DAMMIT RITA NOT YOU TOO

I think I’m starting to see why this series is being cancelled.

Geez, even the WRITER is against the heroes. This show’s falling apart! Quick! Throw in some ads!

Boys! Get HOT! We’ll help you pose sexy for each other! This HAS to have led to many a sexual awakening.

TELL ME THEY’RE NOT DOING THESE TRICKS WITH THEIR PENISES

Okay. In this final sequence, the DP choose to protect the 14 inhabitants of this tiny fishing village, but they justify it in the most drawn out, cringey way.

Really, Cliff? No examples more recent? Stuff that a modern readership might better relate to? Okay.

And in the end, the DP are killed by terribly-written accents. Fitting, really. Let’s see what the staff have to say about it all:

WHO THE FRICK IS CHARLIE

So it turns out the real reason the Doom Patrol was canceled is because those in charge went completely insane. Awesome! But this isn’t actually the END of the Doom Patrol! Join us on Friday for their miraculous REBIRTH!

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