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Wonder Woman

Unearthed: Wonder Woman 1984, Part 7

This episode features a moment so absurd I profaned the name of the Lord.

This was one of the cooler bits. Diana wants to take out that big gun, so she uses one of the trucks as a shield.

You can’t see her in this shot so I’ve circled where she is. She’s running and pushing the truck ahead of her. But… wasn’t she losing her strength? If she had a hard time breaking that lock, she couldn’t be doing this.

Then, for some reason, a metal plate breaks off of something and she rides it. We all know where this is going.

Yep, she slides on it to where the big gun truck is. I think what bugs me about this movie’s casual denial of physics is not THAT they do it, but WHEN they do. It’s inconsistent.

So here she is, back against the big gun truck, still somehow sliding on the metal plate, even though she can’t possibly be putting enough pressure on it to keep it beneath her.

Pinned down by gunfire from SOMEWHERE, even though she had disposed of the rearmost truck, she actually gets hit.

Steve-O, the jackass that he is, rams this truck that appeared out of nowhere.

The windshield shatters and Steve crawls out on the hood. ‘Cause apparently the car is fused to the truck somehow. We don’t see how, but ehnh, whatever, right, movie?

Meanwhile, to take cover from the gunfire, Diana is underneath one of the trucks, Cape Fear-style. But the truck is falling apart around her. So what does she do?

I THINK I got this part right: she clamps onto the truck’s axle and dislodges it, which I’m pretty sure wouldn’t make the truck do what it next does:

It completely flips over, and Diana rides the momentum into the air. And this isn’t even the most stupid thing that happens during this sequence. Hold on to your butts.

Diana’s falling through the air, completely at the mercy of “physics”, and yet she happens to land perfectly on…

Maxwell Lord’s truck! She shouts at him through the windshield that he’s putting the world in danger and asks him where the Dreamstone is. He replies:

“You’re looking at it!” Which has to be confusing. But Diana doesn’t have time to ponder this one. She’s being shot at again, so she flips over the truck…

… and we see her street surfing with just her boots. She’s a grown woman, she don’t need no metal plate! But uh-oh, one of the other trucks does a pincer maneuver…

… and she’s having a hard time of it. So… is her strength failing her here? It’s so all over the place it’s impossible to tell. Steve, being a good boyfriend, sees this…

… and wedges a truck he’s commandeered between the two. Okay, SURE. But hold on, the best part’s coming up…

Ahead, some apparently deaf kids are running into the street. Judging by the apparent speed of the trucks, they’re gonna get run over in about 10 seconds. Yet this is enough time…

… for Diana to kick out the one truck’s wheel…

… sending it careening away…

… and Lord to react. Also, notice his driver isn’t paying attention to the road. So, real kids in real peril. But again, time seems to have slowed down a bit.

Diana has an exchange with Steve, who holds up some kind of missile questioningly, Diana nods agreement, and Steve loads it into some kind of invisible tube on the truck. Pretty sure trucks don’t operate like this.

Then we’re given another shot of the kids. Compare this with the shot above, fully 15 seconds previous. This is elongated time, folks. The trucks would have hit them by now.

Then the missile somehow fires…

… Diana LASSOS it…

… AND LOOK AT THIS. Holy crap, I don’t think I’ve ever experienced the same mixture of astonishment and irritation before.

In mid-air, she safely causes the rocket to crash in the sand and attaches to this convenient weathervane that the CG artists plucked from some online catalog.

And then she scoops up the kids in slow motion, which is great because it really underscores just how CG this whole thing is.

Gosh I hate to end this episode here, but always leave them wanting more, right? Join me on Friday for Part 8!

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